


How Not to Live Domestically; a Guide from Two Lovable Assholes

by chaosforces



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adoption, BDSM, Childhood Trauma, Demon!Hope, Dom/sub, Eri and Sol are already in a relationship, Eridan is a Scottish blond, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Hope and Red love each other but dont mention it, Hope is Eridan's cousin and a Scottish/English blonde, Humanstuck, M/M, Red and Blue are Sollux's older brothers and South Korean brunets, Sollux is a South Korean brunet, TW: MENTIONS OF RAPE AND ALCOHOLISM, This Is STUPID, Vampire!Eridan, Vampire!Red, Werewolf!Sollux, there will be occasional smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-01-27 11:14:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21391231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosforces/pseuds/chaosforces
Summary: Eridan has been living with his boyfriend and resident tech nerd, Sollux, for 4 years now. He works in a firm while Sollux keeps the house (somewhat) neat. However, due to some admittedly bullshit shenanigans, he and his lover are now a vampire and a werewolf.In another case...Hope Wishes is a preppy businesswoman with major problems. Her family (except for her hipster cousin, Eridan) is shit, the guy who she's loved since high school (who also just so happens to be her best friend's twin brother) hates her guts and now the people she associates herself with are becoming the species from that one shitty book series. Midnight or something. Shit throws itself into the metaphorical fan when her hotel room gets a pipe burst and has to stay with Eridan and Sollux for a while.AKA: a bullshit supernatural drama with snippy Captors, lovesick assholes, a lot of gay shit and also domestic living.I will try to update this as frequent as I can.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora/Sollux Captor, Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	How Not to Live Domestically; a Guide from Two Lovable Assholes

**Author's Note:**

> So uh, lemme preface this.  
First, Hope, Red, and Blue are all OCs based on a headcanon I had with an old friend. I'll explain it later when I think it fits.  
Second, I will say which chapter will have heavy topics like abuse, rape or alcoholism in the notes so you don't have to worry.  
Third, if there's ANY criticism at all that you need to give me, please let me know. I'm very much new to writing on this platform and would love any constructive criticisms I can get.  
Lastly, there will be smut. Not now, but in future chapters. You have been warned.

"This is bullshit," Sollux lisped at Eridan in slight defeat. It wasn't uncommon for the shorter male to retreat to his classic retort.

Eridan had just expressed to his lover that he had to work more overtime shifts again. He didn't _want_ to, but not wanting to do something in the firm wasn't exactly an option. He _was_ the company's best, after all.

"Can't you just.. I dunno.. Ask for a raise?" The blond looked down in shame.

"Remember the last time that happened..?" He spoke quietly, almost embarrassingly. His boss made him feel like a fool for requesting such a "..ridiculous desire." Eridan wanted to quit. He really did, but quitting doesn't pay the ever-increasing bills. Bucking up and numbly nodding at his boss's assholeness was the only chance he got. With a soft sigh, the Ampora comforted his lover with a hug and some reassuring words.

"I promise I'll spend as much time with you as possible, hon." He nodded in the blond's chest and they knew damn well that was half a lie. Eridan was a puppet to his job. Leaving meant they'd have to sell the house. Asking for a raise or a promotion would get brushed off. All he could do now was make ends meet. For Sol's sake and his depleting sanity.

Once Eridan left for work, Sollux was left to his machines. Another 14 lines of code? You better believe it. It was monotonous and dull, but whatever. He had to fill the space somehow. But after repeating the same line of code, he slammed his laptop in frustration. Fuck. Everything was more difficult without Eridan around.

After what felt like forever, Sollux got up and got his coat on. He needed a walk to clear his head. Normally, numbers were a saving grace, but now they seem to taunt him. The cool autumn air was nice, especially in the coming nightfall. Usually, Sollux would go take walks with Eridan to and from the nearby park. They'd laugh and tease and grab each other's asses. Y'know. Boyfriend stuff. But Eridan was at work right now and Sollux didn't have any Scottish pompous ass to grab, so. Plan B. He didn't mind plan B sometimes. Especially when it came to his older brothers.

Speaking of his older brothers, let's think about them for a bit. They're twins. No one would ever be able to tell because of their eyes and their personalities, but one sperm was able to fertilize an egg and said fertilized egg split. So biologically and technically, they're twins. The "eldest" is Red; the left brain of the entire Captor trashbin. He's cold, analytical and a sarcastic asshole. He also is very much straight, which makes him even more of a black sheep. Sollux has seen the guy smile like... Maybe 4 times? Hell if he knew (or cared, for that matter.) He's the ringleader and voice of reason in the chucklefuck shenanigans the brothers put themselves through. Then there's Blue. He's one of the sweetest souls you'll ever meet. He loves people (mostly men. Especially if there's a 10+ age gap between them.) and being a cocky tease. If there's one thing you learn throughout being with the Captors, it's that watching Blue and Red fight the first time is always amusing. Blue personally tries to look appealing to anyone and encourages his brothers to do the same. It's honestly no wonder his practical soul sister is Hope Wishes, Eridan's cousin.

And now, because of that, Sollux has begun thinking about his blond's blonde cousin. Hope was.. Interesting. He never knew that much about her other than what Blue has told him and what she's told him. Hope's father (Eridan's uncle) is the CEO of international business. So this means, just like her cousin, she comes from a rich ass family. She never flaunted it like her cousin, though. She usually kept Eridan in check and visa versa. She's also not 100% Scottish like Eridan is. Sollux never really cared about where she's from but, whatever. She always had fun teasing her loved ones and doing her best to be, well, hopeful. She got a pretty bad reputation during high school due to Eridan's ego filling up everyone's airways the moment he walked into the building. But, she left with her head held high and a few friends to hang onto. It's no surprise that a woman of her caliber would catch the eyes of anyone looking to play with her body. She's done good warding off anyone interested in only her looks, but the one person still so in fucking love with her is-

Oh god, Sollux could only imagine. Red and Hope confessing their love for each other. That'll be the day. His train of thought slows down as he sees a group of kids fucking with the bushes at the park. Not again.

"Hey, the hell are you dipshits doing?" Sollux called out, mentally swearing at his prominent lisp. The kids turned around and laughed.

"Aren't you supposed to be with that blond dude?" One of them spoke out mockingly.

"Look, it's way past your bedtimes, so beat it before I get mommy on the phone. And the police." That seemed to stop their laughter and mockery.

"Whatever. There was this big ass wolf here and we'd thought we'd take pictures. But since you're gonna get the fuzz, we might as well do as you say." The smaller kid of the group spoke up and before Sollux could retaliate, the kids were gone. That was.. weird. Wolves in town aren't very common, but "big ass" ones are almost unheard of. It made the 20-something-year-old stop and think. Recently there has been some weird shit going on in town. People getting their blood drained, wolves popping up in random places. It almost felt like some shitty Twilight fanfiction was unraveling before everyone's eyes.

Sollux kept thinking but his heart nearly stopped at the nearby growls. Shit. It could be a raccoon, but those growls were... too low for a raccoon... He slowly turned around to meet the gleaming eyes of a big ass wolf.


End file.
